Noong nakaraang taon, and inyong lingkod ay sumulat tungkol sa pagtanda. Ang title po noon ay “Fine, Fine Line”. Sinasabi lang doon na masaya ako dahil mag da-dalawampu’t anim na taon pa lang ako. At malaki ang kaibahan ng 26 sa 27 dahil ang 27 ay MATANDA na.

And here I am turning 27 in just a few weeks. One word: KARMA.

True enough, marami nang senyales na talaga namang dumadaan na ang panahon. Nariyang kaliwa’t-kanan ang mga kaibigan kong nagpapakasal (Best wishes sa inyo!). Madalas mo na rin akong makikita sa mga toy shop dahil naiimbitahan na rin akong maging ninang, at maki-join sa mga children’s party ng mga anak nila. May mga friends ako na lalaki na umamin na na bading sila kahit alam naman ng lahat noon pa, with or without gaydar. May mga kaibigan ako na tila ay naglaho na at ayaw magpahanap. Mga kaklase na di ko aakalain na kayang makipag one night stand. Mga kaibigan na nakikipag OS sa kaibigan nila with no strings attached. Mga nagkatuluyan na para bang di ko inasahan dahil crush ko yung guy noon. Mga kasalukuyang estudyante sa aking unibersidad na nagtetext kung pwede ba akong mainterview dahil akala nila ay nagtatrabaho ako sa NGO (the activist is now working for a capitalist). Boss na sinasabing radikal ako noong estudyante ako, at bakit hindi ako makagawa ng radikal na Strategic Plan. Mga dalagang professor na dalaga pa rin hanggang ngayon at nakikita mong pakalat-kalat sa rockwell. Mga uso noon na bumabalik ngayon gaya ng leggings, headbands (love ko ‘to) at putot/tokongs. Mga blue jeans na dati ay kasya at masikip na ngayon pero pilit pa rin pinagkakasya dahil ayaw aminin na tumataba na. Tiyan na mukha nang may belt bag dahil sa bilbil at ang comment ay nagmula pa sa pinakamamahal kong boyfriend. Pisngi na malaki pa rin at gustong ipa-liposuction or kaya ay face wrap sa Marie France kung meron mang ganon. Tsokolate na masarap pa rin kahit anong mangyari. Harry Potter na nalaos na at pinalitan na nga Twilight. Ang pagbabalik ng Savory Chicken (mas masarap ap rin ang KFC at Mang Inasal)..at higit sa lahat ang paglisan ng mga mahal mo sa buhay.

Para sa aking Lola, sana ay maging masaya ka. Sana ay maalala mo ang paggawa natin ng mga sulat kung saan nililimbag ko ang mga dinidikta mong salita dahil hindi ka na nakakakita. Alalahanin mo sana na pag-akay ko sa iyo papuntang simbahan at ang pagbalat ko ng kendi pag nasasamid ka. At ang pagsagot ko sa mga tanong mo noong nag-uulyanin ka na… saan ka nagtatrabaho?–Sa ilaw po….mapayat ka na ba?—Opo…pwedeng pasalat ng braso mo?–Ayoko po baka mabuko…Ano bang pangalan mo?—Christine po.

Ilang taon ka na? —Beinte Siyete po. hello?

Can you imagine, working for more than five stressful years and then suddenly giving yourself a REAL rest?  No, I haven’t quit on my job. But what I did is to take a much deserved vacation of…tantananan..TWO WEEKS! Yahoo! So what exactly is my itinerary? I mean, it’s not everyday and not even every year that I get this..so I should have some plans right? Well, I have the money (yamanita ako hehehe, invite ko kayo minsan sa Hacienda Villanueva), I have the time, but all I’m lacking is…my bucket list.

So I decided to come up with one before I started the vacation and here are some of the things I’ve decided to do in 3 weeks with an update on how I’ve gone so far..

1.       Go to Ilocos—Carpe Diem! This is the moment. It’s now or never. So I texted my two kaladkarin friends Kat and Cristy (Hahaha, actually, some guy commented this to Cristy because she is always clueless on the itinerary, sumasabay sa agos, in short, kaladkarin nga, Hahaha!), and asked them if they are willing to join me on a four-day trip to Ilocos (Vigan, Laoag-Pagudpud). And as expected, they said yes! So finally, di ko na kailangan yayain every month si Xave to bring me to Ilocos. We had the roadtrip of a lifetime courtesy of our driver (si Kat) and our pet (si Cristy na may injury pa, secret kung ano Hahaha!, o sige na nga sasabihin ko na, HDHD! Mwahahaha! Sikip kasi ng shorts). It was FUN. We saw Pinoy wonders and I really marveled at the nice works of God.

2.       Shop- And this I did without regret. I literally shopped until I dropped (because I have no more money Hehehe). I bought office clothes, casual clothes, accessories, shoes, etc.Kaburgisan to the highest level! But mind you, I got them all at a very good price. Secret natin to: there are warehouse outlets of Mango, Bossini, Naturalizer, All Flipflops, UCB, Nike, Adidas, etc. at Robinson’s Pampanga. And believe me, if you are a Mango addict like me, you will find heaven there. But another secret, don’t be deceived by the dressing room mirrors at Mango there. They tend to make you look thinner. Use the mirrors outside the dresser. Pero kung gusto nyo pa ring maging bulag sa katotohanan, ok lang din.

3.       Watch movie alone- Now this is something I haven’t done in a very long time. Not ever since college days when I watched Spider-man1 for five times (it was during the 4^th and 5^th time that I saw it alone since no one wanted to accompany me anymore). I watched Kungfu Panda and I was laughing so loud because the movie was sooo funny (reminds me of Teddy hehehe). I had my Bacon-Lettuce-Tomato (BTL for short according to the waiter) wheat bread sanwich and dalandan juice to delight me further. It was fun because I miss being a loner sometimes.

4.       Meet with old friends- This I haven’t done yet. But I am scheduled to do MORE shopping with RoseAnn on the next few days and dinner with Junita, plus a roadtrip with LJ if I can squeeze it in.

5.       Spend time with family- I am sure my mommy was very happy during my stay in Bulacan. I was there to liven up the house (aka make it dirty, watch TV all day that I smell like the butt of whoever sat in the sofa for the longest time which I think is my daddy, yuck!, ask endlessly for stuff like pancakes, broccoli, halo-halo, and pizza, practice violin—naks! even with my out of tune notes that made the dogs howl even at daytime).

6.       Go to my violin class- Yay, after 3 weeks of being absent, I finally attended again my class and I think my vioin teacher is now cursing the day she signed up to teach me because I am REALLY terrible with it that sometimes I wish that we will be stucked practicing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” forever because it is the only song I know how to play. Pero sige, go pa rin! I may not be a Promil kid but I am a Bona Kid sabi ng mommy ko..”batang may laban!”

7.       Lastly, never to open my laptop to check on office email—and this one I failed to do. I open my laptop everyday. I did market-minus for european T5 lamps, I made a price computation for a potential new product, I made a memo on availability of Essential 5w, and I even created the price for SAP. Kadiri talaga ko! Nerd! My boss actually asked me why I was doing it and even giving him a call for instructions on something and I simply said..” I don’t know also”.. but I guess it’s because I love my job. Yes, I love it. I love “most” of the people I work with..and I see value in what I do (you know, CFL for global warming..save antarctica! Hehehe)

So there, I still have a few days left for my vacation wherein I plan to do the Number 4 on the list. And believe it or not, NOW, I am now itching to go back to work. Sabik na sabik na kong makita ang desk ko, ang boss ko, and my officemates. And most especially, I miss my lamps. Naks, PLASTIK!

Two weeks ago, I spoke in a seminar for lighting contractors. It was nothing but ordinary until the raffle time came. No, it’s not about the prize, the mechanics or anything that any sane person would think of. It is just about a simple comment I gave with one of the winners of the shiny shimmering splendid Coffee Maker. It was a young lady who won the prize. I was there in front to give it to her because I was the one who picked her name. When she came to accept her prize, the host asked how old this charming lady is. She smiled and said, she’s twenty-four. And everybody smiled and you can just hear their brains transmitting signals, and in agreement, they are all saying, “How young she is!” And there goes my comment, from the deepest, darkest cave in Antarctica, something that I should have kept for myself because I did not expect that it can hurt me so bad that I could have killed everybody with a bomb as a form of hara-kiri or self-preservation.

My comment was: “Ay, pareho lang pala tayo!”

And I swear, there was a short pause, as if everybody was trying to digest what they have just heard..and then suddenly, it was followed by a thunder of laughter.

I simply smiled. But my toes inside my mule shoes are giving the “f**k you sign. In my mind, I was saying, “Leche, ang kakapal ng mukha n’yo na magreact ng ganyan, TWENTY-FIVE LANG AKO!”

If I’m a grandmother of ten, if I have countless wrinkles like an old oak tree, if I look like kampanerang kuba because of osteoporosis because I did not drink Anlene, if I’m wearing dentures, if I am sporting my Inang’s polka dots duster, if I have dyed my hair black just yesterday, If my boobs are already reaching my belly button, if my earrings are already at the bottom tip of my earlobes, if I smell like white flower, if I carry an oxygen tank with me….then go ahead and laugh at my comment. But if I am only twenty-five which is a fact by the way, and so, how dare you all!

I am mad. I really am.

I have managed to accept that I look older than my sister. I have disillusioned myself by thinking that she just looks younger than her age and I just look like, well, my age. But laughing at me because I made a joke that I am only twenty-four where in fact, I am just a year older. That is unforgivable.

It made me so mad that I have spent one night just thinking about it and even decided to write an article for it.

I know, I know that there is a fine, fine line for everything. Like what was said in one of the songs featured in the musical “Avenue Q”. The song says that there is a fine, fine line between what you want and what you got. Could there be a fine, fine line also between 24 and 25? Hmmmm. Maybe.

Because I remember dreading the date when I turned 25, because for me, it’s already the time that when people ask you about your age, they wouldn’t view it as young…you are just that, plain 25, like 26. Here’s an example:

When you are 24 years old..

Man: How old are you?

You: Me, I am only twenty-four!

Man: Only twenty-four? That’s so young!

You: Geez, yeah.

But when you are already 25 to 26 years old…

Man: How old are you?

You: Me, I am twenty-five!

Man: Oh, ok. (long pause, followed by a smirk)

You: Oh, well, go to hell.

This, you can just forget about and move one…But then, being 27 is different. It means that you are old already.

Example:

Man: How old are you?

You: I’m already twenty-seven!

Man: Wow, you should be getting married already because they say that you develop the best genes when you are 27 to 28 years OLD. Remember, you’re not getting any younger…I’m not saying that you’re OLD, I’m just warning you before you turn into an OLD maid. No, I don’t intend to hurt your feelings, it’s just an OLD joke that they say to OLD people. Ooops, sorry.

You: It’s ok. I’m fine with it. Can you please excuse me? I need to go to the bathroom.

Man: Okay, I need to excuse myself as well. I have a lunch meeting at OLD Spaghetti House. Ooops, I did it again.

(** you then go to the bathroom and check if you have the seven signs of skin aging according to Olay, then you send a text to your significant other or your best potential lover, to ask them how they will feel if the girl is the one that proposes marriage to them) 

Harharhar! So I guess I’m still lucky because 25-26 is not as bad as 27. And with that, I conclude that there’s a fine, fine line between 25-26 and 27. And likewise, there is a fine, fine line also between 24 and 25.

I have to admit, I feel better now. My birthday on December (take note friends!) could probably not as dreadful as last year. Oh, okay, I’ve forgiven the old ugly fools who thought that I looked older than my age. Alright, I guess I can now accept horrible comments without so much hatred, enough to ignite ten atomic bombs.

That’s why when I went to Pampanga yesterday and our salesman there made a comment that I am so young for the kind of work that I am doing, well, I have to say that I was floating in the cumulus clouds with happiness. But then he asked, if I’m only 27… thunder and lightning started to appear and the cumulus clouds turned to nimbus. But then I remember, there’s a fine, fine line, this time, between him and my boyfriend who loves me for who I am (who is old by the way..Hehehe, forgive me). So, I just smiled, told him that I am only twenty-five, crossed my leg and pointed my foot towards him, because at that time, my toes are giving him the fine, fine f**k you sign. Bwahahaha.

Just last week, I happen to see a movie of Jessica Alba in CATV. I did not really catch what’s the depth of the story (because I am working on a Saturday night–poor me..no wonder blogging is now a "Maalaala mo kaya" moment for me)but somehow I got the impression that it involves sexy bikini suits. And hell yeah, drop dead gorgeous bods. Then I realized, that it’s already April..it’s summer time! But shit, I don’t have the body for it.

They say that Filipinas are now bolder when it comes to clothes. More and more women are more than confident to showcase their bodies, may it be bony, sexy or just like me…batchoy (like how my sister states it). I am simply not prepared to show my fatty belly that is competing with the size of my boobs (but my boobs are not so big so my problem is not in a state of emergency yet..thank god?).

Then I came to finally understand what I wanted to happen with myself….I want to lose weight (for the nth time..I know). Ten pounds to look like Judy Anne Santos. And twenty pounds to look like Jessica Alba. Darn.

I started with a few pilates and taebo exercises during mornings..but my hectic schedule prevents me from continuing. Now, I just finished eating 2 big sausages for lunch and once again I am cursing my parents for gracing me with very slow metabolism.

How come losing weight is more difficult than your office work? How come some people are effortless when it comes to having a sexy body? How come I continue to gain weight despite exercising? How come others are blessed like Jessica Alba and I am BATCHOY?

  How come Billy banks is Felix bakat?..oh, that’s another thing. Seriously, HOW COME?

Sabi ng kunsesya ko, "Gaga, it’s because you are insecure!".

Yeah, I guess I am…hell, yeah..I really am.

Maybe I am fat but I am still blessed with a lot of things. Maybe I am fat but I am still loved by my teddy. Maybe I am fat but I am still in HongKong for one week and doing my "Maalaala mo kaya" episode with free internet. Hehehe.

But this does not mean that I will stop my pursuit of losing weight. I can do this, I know. Though this time, I’m doing this not for Jessica Alba, not for the summer, and most definitely not for my sister who still calls me batchoy (by the way, she’s already 28.Nyeh!). I am doing this for myself…. For my health.

So, wish me luck.

If not, I am calling Vicki Belo and we can start the lipo with my cheeks.

  Again, I am cursing my mom. Pinaglihi daw kasi n’ya ko sa siopao pero pinasosyal ko lang..ang totoo, sa monay.

      I once read an article saying that at the end of every person’s life, the dash from the date of birth until the date of death is the most essential part of his/her existence. Just imagine…one single dash tells it all. That dash, is the one that identifies, whether you have lived a full or an empty life.

      So one day, while I was waiting for my work to end in the quiet region of Bicol…I realized that I am already old. I feel old, I look old. I am surrounded by old people, talking about the same old brouhaha. And it is just depressing that no amount of blush or foundation can conceal the fact that I have aged. But the saddest thing about it is that, I have allowed myself to be engulfed with my preoccupations. And I hated myself. I hated the fact that I am not happy..that I am empty. That’s the time I’ve decided to write my own eulogy. I think a lot of people have tried to do this and it did them well. So I thought about giving it a shot. Here it goes…

      Christine… This woman had always hated her name because she thinks that it is so common. She whined about not having everything she wanted…at the very least, a pretty name. She complained to her Mom about not naming her Sophia or Alexandra or Samantha. But the only reply that she got was…”Christine is beautiful”. And so she lived wondering how her life would have been nicer if her name is different. She thought about how she will be favorably treated, how she will become more famous, and envied if she was not named Christine. She had a hard time accepting good things that came to her life because she felt “Christine” was not worthy. She took them all for granted, and sulked in the bitterness of being stuck with an oh-so-common name. And then she died with nothing but the name “Christine” scribbled in her tomb–the only thing that fixed itself with her, even if she hated it all her life. And it’s just funny, for that name was really made beautiful by the person whom it was taken from…and the beauty could have been reflected with Christine’s life if only she’d realized that Christine is indeed beautiful.

     Geez, I probably need to fix my life now…or else my dash will be just a pathetic plain dash.

Will you forgive me if I turn into a Celine Lopez in just this instance? Or say, if I become a clueless Cher, or even a magnanimous Imelda? Heck, the hell do I care if you say yes or no (I remember before, my guiding principle is: You have a point there but I still think I’m right..hehehe). So beforehand, let me apologize already…for the kaartehan that you will find in this article. Because I know sometimes it can really get to your nerves. I admit, I am maarte sometimes not because I am a woman (which is a proven fact by the way) but because I sometimes love to be maarte. Take note…sometimes lang ha.

For the past two months (blissful ones I might say…Long Live the Queen of Antarctica!), I bought a total of 4 pairs of shoes. No, not because my Christmas bonus is skyrocketing. In fact, I’ve spent all of it down to the last centavo with gifts for my loved ones. I was literally poor when I started the year. I didn’t even have a new wardrobe for 2006. Plus I have bills to pay…rent, laundry, insurance, credit card, cellphone, my Mom (my ATM: Always Timely Maningil –in a sarcastic way hehehe, not to include her pasa load requests)…etc. That’s why until now, I am wondering how I was able to get by my poverty and managed to buy all those shoes. I think…I think..it’s destiny, for me to buy those shoes. Because I was never a shoepaholic person. I think I average 4 pairs in a year..the two-month period was a record breaker. Maybe buying those shoes is my way of rewarding myself more..or that it is a consequence for living near a mall. But as I recall the stories behind those pairs, I came to a conclusion that maybe…just maybe, I am really just maarte, maarteng gastador, that is. Better see for yourself.

SHOE PAIR #1 Chocolate Brown High Heel Pumps

The reason why I bought it is because my brown mules already needed a visit to Mr. Quickie. I needed a brown pair to go with my brown pin-stripped Capri pants that I plan to wear at an office event. Good thing the venue was at a bar inside a Makati mall, making it accessible for me to go look for my golden pair after I have decided which outfit to wear. After my meeting with the bar manager, I went straight to the shoe section and shop hopped until I found this boutique that offers 50% discount. Original cost is a little expensive but I got it at a good discounted price. Nevertheless, even if my wallet is happy, the story is not the same for my feet. My feet sore like hell the first time I wore it even with band-aids at the ankles (preventive measures taken during break-in period). I have worn the shoes for only two times and they still squeak when I walk in a smooth surface.

SHOE PAIR #2 White Leather Loafers

I was supposed to pick up my car from the casa when a shiny shimmering billboard caught my attention, saying that the mall nearby is on a 3-day sale. My initial plan is to buy office blouses but my feet led me to a VV shop. My Gawwwd! I remember when I was a little girl.., I just drool over my rich aunt/godmother/neighbor’s hundred boxes of Venetto. That’s why when I saw that they are selling shoes at X Pesos, I rummaged through the displays and managed to fall in love with a white pair. The only white pair of shoes I have is a P150 nurse’s shoes I bought at Market Market. But now, I am being faced by a grand chance of owning a VV. I asked for my shoe size and the pair fitted in my feet well..well, maybe not too well. The right foot seemed a little bigger for the shoe. But never mind, it’s a Via Venetto. I bought it and wore it to my dinner with college friends that same night. Again my feet became swollen that I thought I would never be able to reach my car at the parking lot from the restaurant. I never learned my lesson (same applies with my too often encounters with traffic enforcers). Second time was better and I am super proud that fashion magazines now say that white shoes are in. Even if you go to Lacoste shops, all their sneaks are in pure white. What can I say, I’m a fashion forecaster. Sosyal!

SHOE PAIR #3 Wedge Black Flip-Flops with Embroidery, Glitters, and anything you can put in slippers (the supreme pizza version of flip flops)

I wanted to buy a white shirt for no reason at all. So I called up a friend to accompany me at Eastwood. I ended up buying two shirts and the amazing flip-flops. They were so nice that my friend decided to buy also. She was forced by yours truly to buy the white one because I insisted that the black one should be mine because I just recently bought a white pair. And besides, I am lending her the money for the slippers so I deserve the power of first choice. I love it. I wore it at my breakfast-lunch-dinner-midnight snack date with Xavier. The only problem is my Mom loved it also and threatened to borrow my precious Flip Flops. What can I do? I am just her daughter..Huhuhu.

SHOE PAIR #4 Light Brown Mules with Stitches

I bought it to simply replace my hopeless old mules. And also because I still cannot comfortably wear my new brown pumps. Darn.

Hey, I wonder if Celine, Cher or Imelda have ever or will ever watch Jewel in the Palace. It’s about to start so I have to end this now. Maarte? Or Jologs? No, I just have a crush with Kapitan. Hahaha!

P.S. If you see me and notice that I am not wearing any of the shoes described here..look at the color of my slacks. I’m sure they are color black that’s why I’m wearing either one of my two black mules instead. Hihihi (Pang-asar lang po).   

This is my New Year’s gift to everybody. I was able to retrieve 2 articles of Mam Merta Miklat! For the benefit of those who do not know her, Mam Merta is a fictional charater, developed by the Features Section of the Manila Collegian(2001-2002), composed of me, Charvie and Carrie. She is an overweight elementary school teacher with short curly hair and a big mole that travels all around her face. Hehehe. Miss ko na to!Her articles are our own satiric way of trashing the government. Secret na kung sino ang sumulat. Hahaha. 

Here you go…

TINIG NA MALAT NI MAM MERTA MIKLAT

MAMERTA MIKLAT: MUSIC CLASS

   Dubedube dodoooo…woooooooh. Teka, lalo yatang sumikip ang uniporme ko ah. Hingal…hingal… di ako makahinga!!! Conrado, ikuha mo ako ng tubeeeg, madaleee! Akina! (Lunok, lunok, lunok) Aaaaaah, Lekat na Myusik klas to! Lalong namamalat ang boses ko. Ahem, ahem, ahgggggem..pweh! O, Gud morning klas! I hop you does not porget to bring your myusikal instrowments por our Myusik klas. Tuday, ipapakita n’yo sa akin ang mga talento ninyo sa pag-sing habang tinutugtog ang inyong instrowments.

   Let’s start wid you Joe. Tingnan nga natin kung makakanta mo ang kantang “Pare Ko”. SING! O, parey kow, do you have a problem, I am here to rescue you. I have a gun that will surely destroy the Abu. I’ll kill them all just for you… ISTAP! Weyt a minit, tigyawat sa singit. Bakit parang iba yata ang liriks mo? Tsaka, ano ba ‘yang instrowment mo? Armalayt ‘yan ah! ‘Di ba’t matagal na kitang pinangaralan na bawal ang harmpul obdyekts dito sa iskul? Lagi ka na lamang nagdadala ng iba’t-ibang klase ng baril! O sige, sige, subukan mo lang itutok ‘yan kay Jolens at hindi ka na magigising sa panaginip mo! Hindi uubra sa ken ‘yan kahit malaki. ALIS JAN! You are ekspeld prom dis klas. Do nat eber ritarn…por layp!

   O, Glormya, bakit parang naluluha ka? Na-tats ka ba sa kanta ni Joe? Aha! Kras mo sha ano?! Sabi na nga ba, kaya para kang tuta kung makasunod sa kanya! Gusto mo bang sumunod sa kanya? Go ahed! Teka, bakit parang nandidilat lalo ang mata mo Teofishbol? Selos ka ano? Akala mo bestprends kayo ni Glormya? Di uy! Dami yata niyang sikreyts sa yo! Nagtataka lang ako at hindi ito nakita ng malalaki mong mata, samantalang sa pagkakalaam ko eh duda ka na noon pa man kay Joe. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Buti pa manalangin ka na lang. Sabayan mo si Pinay dahil siya na ang susunod na kakanta.

    Okey Pinay, SING! At first I was afraid, I was petrified! Nahuli akong nag-smuggle sa HongKong ng bibliya! Akala ko ay matutulungan ako ng ating administrasyon, pero No! Iniwan nila ako sa may kangkong! O Day, O dyuskuday! ISTAAAAP! I cannot teyk dis enimor! Naluluha ako sa kanta mo Pinay. Para kang basahang pinabayaan ng iyong nanay! At ano ‘yang dala mong instrowment? Tambowrin na tansan? Haw fatetik! O sige, iadbans ko ng kalahating araw ang dedlayn sa pagbabayad ng utang mong tosino. Baka kasi akalain mo, wala akong puso. Mahal ko kayo klas! Kaya naman ayaw ko na nagugutom kayo! Ako ang pangalawang ina ninyo kaya alam ko na masustansya sa pangangatawan ninyo ang mga longganisang tinda ko! Ubusin ninyo ha! Kung hinde, gagawin kong kurtina ‘yang mga uniporme nyo. Sige lang at makikita ng mga kaklase nyo ang mga banel at libag nyo!

   Hala! Conrado. It’s yor tarn. SING! Nilunok ko ang lahat at hindi nagtira, Nagpakabundat ako sa tinda ni Mam Merta Miklat. O, talaga namang, pagkasarap-sarap! Kaya naman papakyawin ko lahat.. Gud, beri gud! CONTINYU! Nilunok kong lahat ng mga sinabi ko, para naman ipasa ako ng tister kong baboy!!! ISTAAAAAAAAAAAP! talaga namang ginagalit mo ako ano, Conrado? Ayan, naninikip na naman ang dibdib ko!!! Hingal…hingal..penge ulit ng tubeeeg! Ano?! Ubos na? ‘Di ba’t me natira pa ako kanina? Ha!!! Kinuha na ng nanay mong manikurista?!! Acetone ba hane?! Isugod ninyo ako sa klinik daleeeee!!!! Conrado, humanda ka sa kin pagbalik ko!!! Maiiwan ka sa klase para maglinis!!! Nanlalabo na ang paningin ko!!! Mamamatay na yata ako!!! Sige, buhatin ninyo ako!!!

   Nilunok ko ang lahat ng mga sinabi ko, ang totoo’y vodka ang pinainum ko. Woooooooooh.

MAMERTA MIKLAT: GRADUATION DAY

   DIS IS DA DEY! I am soooooo hafi ang I dyas cannut hayd et! Hane, ito na ang huling araw ng ating klase! Sa wakas, mapapahinga na ang aking puso sa kakikirot sa tuwing ginagalit n’yo kong mga dyaskeng bata kayo! Pero huwag kayong pakasiguro. No,no,no,no! I shall retarn dyuring da samer taym para itinda ang aking sagow at gowlaman. Susmarya katilpo, pwede ko ba namang ihinto ang aking bisnis? Syempre kailangan ko ang moolah ebin dyuring da bekeysyun. Kaya naman meron din akong pri masads na ibibigay ko lamang sa BITCH! Ano? Ano ‘yung bitch? E di ‘yung may lumalangoy sa kaibuturan ng aaaaah….gos ’nung bitch! As in bitch boys!  O kaya, ‘yung bitch haws sa UP Dileyman! Bitch lang hindi n’yo pa alam! Mga bobo! Sya, sya, Padilla. Tama na ang tawanan, waterbed it is you tink is su pany. Gaya ng sinabi ko, masaya ang mam n’yo kasi recognisyown dey n’yo rin ngayon. Mamimigay ako ng meydalyons made from Tita Maggie’s gold bullions. Anlayk ibang meydals, skwer ‘yan at jas add hot wowter, sup na ‘yan! So, wat are wi weyting por? Hir are the awardis!

   Mowst well-beheyb…. si Joe! Dahil sa kanyang matahimik na skima ng pangraratrat, pwe, baratattat pala! Kung gaano kalakas ang sabowg ng kanyang guns, ganoon kasilensyo ang kanyang pagkakatago sa kanyang mga adyenduh. Boom na boom! You are da BOWMB!

   Tama ana ang pagpalakpak Glormya bekos, you are nixt. Por you, the best in Acting award! Ang galing mo sa acting klas! Brawbow! Naiiyak ako sa iyo. Ikaw ang napipisil kong papalit sa trono ni Redyin Bilaskis sa kanyang mowvi na “Kailangan Ko’y Ikaw” pero syempre, ang ikaw, magiging “kayo” kasi dedekeyted siya to your klas kung saan ikaw ang preysident!

   Oy, tabachoy, gumising ka nga at may award ka rin! Palibhasa, tulog-tulog kaya hindi kita napapansin at kundi, tiyak na napag-initan kita! Alam mo bang muntik ko nang maporgets na stowdent kita? Get up, Erab! Por you, is da Best in Sayans award. Ikaw ang prinsipe ng mga imbensyon at ekspeyriments! Beri gud! Ang dami mong naipapalabas na mga gawa-gawa mo sa ating labowratory of crimes! You are indid the BEST! Bwahahahaha! Ahem, gsshhhhtrrrrgh..gulp. Aaah, akala ko nadale na ang kamalatan ko. Damuhong plema!

   And naw, por da mowst preystidyus award na ibibigay ko, isa lamang ang desirbing dito. Conrado, please com hir in pront. Alam mo, ang laki ng improbment mo as a stowdent. I am su prawd op you kase malayo na ang narits mo pagkatapos ng payb yirs mo dito sa gred wan. But wat mattirs mowst is dat you towt me haw to be peychent, kaya I teynk you prom da button op my hart, I swir by da moon and the starlayt starbrayt. Kaya hindi ko ibibigay sa iyo ang pasadong marka kundi kay Cesar kasi sawa na ako sa mukha n’ya at sa smelly armfeets niya na amoy sardinas na hinaluan ng kechap. Pero weytaminit nagnanaknak na anit, I hab samtin por you. Ges wat!

  Ano hane? Hindi, mali ka! Bastos! Anong kiss? Hindi ako galing purok pukpukan ah! And I balyu praybasi kaya okey lang sa akin kahit hindi orig ang mga CD ko ng AEGIS. Aba, sa totoo lang, mas nagiging pareho ang pagkamalat namin bekows op praybasi. Hemingweys, por you is da pri MASADS AT DA BITCH! Waw! Tingnan mo’t naglululundag sa tuwa ang mokong! Naiimadyin mo na siguro ang mga makalyong kamay ko sa mabungang-araw niyang likod! O, Bakit bigla kang nagulat? Sa bitch kita mamasahihin di ba! Sabay sa aaaahgos ng tubig ng bitch! Ah, alam ko na, bobo ka talaga. Ngayon mo lang na gets, kung ano ang bitch! Tama, ‘yung dagat na pinagpipitasan ko ng kangkong na paborito mo! Ano ang akala mo? HAAAA!!!Bastos! Bastos! Bastuuuuus! This is too much! I cannot take anymore of your green and extremely horny perceptions about the greatest gift to mankind. You are a disgrace to humanity…you horny, pea-brained, moron! Grabeh! Tingnan mo ang ginagawa mo sa akin kapag ginagalit mo ko! Nagloloko ang dila ko! Kung anu-ano ang pinagsasasabi ko! Aba! At bakit pati kayo klas eh nakikisama sa pagtawa! Shadap! Shaddddaaaaap! Mr. Disco! Sige, lahat kayo hindi na nakapasa.! Repeater kayong lahat! O, di natahimik kayo. I won’t chends my maynd. Sige na klas, gow on wid your bekeysyon. We ol nid a breyk bepor I breyk Conrado’s nek. Walang magmumukmok! Kasalanan n’yo ‘yan! You deserve it, you ugly fools! Better lux nixt yir! Ta-ta! Gudbay! Perwel! Soooooooo Loooooooonghhhhhhhhhh. Umph.

Hahaha! My God, I never thought I am capable of writing a very emotional piece such as this one. I know the intro sounds familiar (alam ni Kat ‘yan saka ni Neo Hehehe.)..but I just can’t think of a proper way to start the piece but with “reason”. This is actually the text that I was supposed to use in the video presentation for my cousin’s wedding…unfortunately, di na natuloy…(‘yung AVP ko, not the wedding ha!) Man, weddings do not only make me cry….they also turn me into a complete romantic. Haaaay, I love LOVE Hehehe.. (Sorry Xave, I know you don’t want me to publish this but I’ll just write a better one for my own wedding)

There is a reason…why I am here.

There is a reason…why we are both here.

I remember imagining this moment for countless times.

You …and me…and all the ones we love, embracing the union that we are sealing on this fateful day.

Looking back…I know we never thought that things would lead to something so beautiful.

Who would have known that fate and destiny are playing tricks on us?

But seriously, for me, it was the most amazing trick that I’ll forever be thankful for.

Because it has brought me to you…to where we are right now.

I have never felt so blessed for having everything I need and want in life…you, the person whom I’ll spend the rest of my life with from this day onward.

For you are my everything and more. And your eyes tell me that to you is where I belong.

I know that there will be tough times.

Tears will fall and pain will be felt.

But I want you to know that we are in this together.

I have made my vow to God, to keep you always no matter where life will bring us.

For my love for you is beyond any tears and pain the world can give…more powerful than any emotion that I am capable of feeling.

I guess you’ve known all these.

There’s nothing much to say really…for we both understand why God has greatly planned this for us.

You know well the reason why I am here.

You also know the reason why we are both here.

I’ve said this a thousand times…but I’ll never get tired…for I know that you will always believe.

The reason is because…I love you, I love you, I love you.

And I’ll never stop feeling this.

Ever.

I love you.

I’m a parking post’s worst nightmare. Bang. There goes the trunk of my car hitting the parking lot post of PBCom basement parking. Don’t you just hate it when you encounter a freak car accident? Especially when there is no one to blame but your stupidity because what happened was simply really freakishly stupid? It was 7:30 am when I arrived at PBCom. I was up real early. I had to send tons of emails before I go out to do my eternal meetings (you see, my job is a never-ending meeting about how to light up establishments). I had a hearty breakfast of pork chop and corned beef to boost up my usual lousy mornings. Things were going quite well– I have Madonna singing on the background and I was even greeted cheerfully by the guardzillas, and since I was early, there are still a lot of vacant slots in the basement parking.

I guess this is my bad karma for always bragging about how I have mastered back parking and that it was chickenfeed for me even in narrow spaces. I was too damn proud that I have managed to not have an accident since the dreadful May 10 tragedy I had at South Express Way. Because, as I have made my 45 degrees turn and backed my car, thinking that my angular calculation is correct…I forgot that I was never really good in Math—Geometry to be particular (I actually got a 99 score in NSAT for Math and our school Principal just won’t believe it that she even visited our classroom to confirm..Hehehe. But nevertheless, it’s just luck—my Math11 grades can prove that).

So there, I hit the post. And the funny thing is…I DID NOT KNOW IT! Hahaha! Stupid talaga! I only realized it when I opened the trunk of the car to get my laptop. Good thing, it was just a minor scratch. Got it partially removed and barely noticeable after rubbing (as suggested by the guy who promised to take me to Antarctica one day. Hahaha!).

Looking back, I’ve realized that I’ve been to a lot of car accidents and encounters with traffic enforcers for the past two years since I started driving. Well, I blame it to LTO for providing me with the answers before I took the driving exam (I swear, I did not ask for it, they just gave it open heartedly). And probably, well, okay, I admit..I had been careless most of the time. The independent woman thinks kasi that she can do anything. But thanks to the prayers of my Mom asking God to always keep me safe on the road, and to my guardian angel S****a (she doesn’t want to be revealed e! I know, I know…there goes my weird persona again) who always protects me from harm, and to the guy who constantly reminds me not to text while driving.

I should really be more careful. A lot of people are worried for my sake. I owe it to them, I guess. Hey, driving can actually be related with falling in love. You know, when you hit, you bump, you got lost, you encountered an accident, you had a smooth or rough ride…Okay, enough.

Told ya, this is not about my love life.

And to the drivers out there, remember, basta driver, sweet lover…I mean, Drive Safely okay? It doesn’t take a Math Genius to know and actually do that.

…With all the chaos that is happening with our national politics, sometimes I can’t help but question why there are still people who have not yet given their hopes up on mobilizations. Personally, I do not think that there is a necessity for emergency power for GMA (which could probably lead to Martial law as what many people fear). But I also believe that too much democracy is deadly.

…Having HOPE is good, but never-ending protest…is OA. But please do not judge me with this opinion. I was once there…on the same streets where activists proclaim their rage for the government. I was idealistic too. And I’m keeping that idealism until now. Although probably not through violent protests. Also,human rights is not just for the masses but for all..yes, including riot police or even for our bastard politicians. What I have learned as I progress through my life is that true democracy is not just about freedom of expression. It can only be attained if proper justice is applied…for ALL. I HOPE that we can all be JUST by thinking of what is going to be good for ALL. And this applies to the masses, the activists, and most especially to our government.

   I am republishing the article I wrote during the hype of my activism when I was in college. My points are still valid, I think. Although I have to admit that my perspective is one-sided. Hence, too democratic and no justice. Read on…and realize.

Published in: The Manila Collegian, Vol. 15, No. 3

Date: August 13, 2001

   Have you experienced being asked by your parents if you are a member of the NPA? I have. It did not bother me though. I knew all along then that they would open this kind of conversation anytime soon. It was just waiting to be unearthed from their shelf of doubts.

   It was a Sunday lunch at McDonald’s. I was already half-finished with my McFlurry when my mom interrupted my thoughts for my next article. My dad is in fury because my sister irritated him by whining about not being able to go to the mall as planned. When my mom spoke, everybody joined my silence. “Anak, NPA ka ba?”, asked my mom. I simply said no, then devoured a spoonful of ice cream. End of discussion.

   Nobody in my family understands my activism. I remember explaining to them the TFI (Tuition Fee Increase) issue, and my mom clapped her hands in sarcasm. They reasoned that I have no right to protest because they are the ones who are paying the fees. They said that I only have a year to finish college anyway. Honestly, I pity their apathy. They cannot comprehend why I go to rallies, stay all night in the street in pickets, or even just listen to tibak songs. This is why they do not allow me, everytime I ask for permission to go to such activities. So I stopped asking for permission. It felt bad, really. But the mission to serve the people is tempting.

   Thinking about my first days in Mendiola still sends shivers in me. I was there to witness the burning of the large Erap prototype, getting in my face all the ashes and hot smoke of the flaming emblem. It did not matter to me. I countered the fear by chanting hymns along with the laborers and farmers. I have also experienced being offered with biscuits by a nun then. I know that I looked tired and famished at that time but I did not see pity in her eyes. I sensed unity and love for one’s countrymen.

   Being in line with fellow truth-seekers developed in me the duty to learn more about how our country could achieve true democracy. We have different ideals but these are merged with the goal to struggle for the rights of every Filipino. This should have been everybody’s responsibility, but some are just too selfishly satisfied and blinded with their red-colored windows. However, there are a few who are willing to shoulder the bulk of the struggle. Their world is in reality. That is where I want to fit in.

   Undeniably, our country is being harassed by crises. We are continuously suffering from misgovernance, poverty, and most essentially, apathy. This is what the people in red shirts are crying. Their shouts mirror what they are currently experiencing. They cannot be numb and simply accept maltreatment. But they will not survive unless helped by those in comfort. The laborers and farmers need every Filipino’s consent, not exactly their cent. Money is not what is being pursued, but proper rights and justice. Issues such as these remain unchallenged for those with insensitive hopes for a better living, but without action. Those people who are like my parents.

   I have been telling my parents about these but my voice is nothing but a gush of wind that passes through their ears. But I would never give up. I will continue to write despite their objections. I would like to believe that there is still hope for them. They are starting to read our paper and I can somehow sense that they know my activities. This optimism helps me fight my guilt. I love them and I know that they are just protecting me, but the calling is much stronger.

   The purpose of writing not because of passion alone, but also to free the people by delivering the truth, molds my life. This may sound dramatic for some. Many would probably question such extreme socio-political involvement. But the answer cannot be found on denunciation. Like me, people in struggle are seeking for awareness, which will hopefully lead to awakening of all. And with how the nation is treating them,the fight will just have to continue. Be it in Mendiola, in EDSA, in the streets, or even in the mountains.

   I have the Collegian office as my mountain and the pen as my gun. The army and I share the same sentiment, mission, and condemnation though not exactly that complementary. This is probably the reason why I kept on staring at my McFlurry when I replied to my Mom.