PULANG PLUMA

   My parents thought that their second child was going to be a boy. Too bad, ultrasound was not yet widely used then, or their hopes could have been saved from flying too high. But my girlie existence did not stop my Dad from treating me like I belong to his kind. He brought me to basketball games. He even made me his assistant in fixing or moving things on our home. It was funny that even during childhood, I never became Pink 5 or Yellow 4—I was always Green 2. I thought that this would not leak to my other world, outside my home. Nevertheless, it did.

   The joke is always on me. This gender thing issue has been engulfing my identity in UPM since I do not know when. But I think it all started during a play in our Humanities class wherein I portrayed a guy role. However, there is no need to clarify things about my true identity. Everybody knows that I am straight. Remarks about my sexuality, even in normal discourse just come out naturally with the people who know me better. There is no way of escaping it even during my girlie skirt days. I can still remember one class discussion when our professor wanted to know the comments of the guys. Guess who she called to recite? No, I was not raising my hand, but I heard my name called anyway.

   There was also this instance when our dormitory did not have water supply, and we need to bring pails of water from the first to the third floor. My friend whined to his boyfriend that they are too heavy to carry and her boyfriend asked her to give the job to me since I am a guy. Hahahaha. Unconditionally, everybody finds these jokes funny… including myself. But somehow, it made me think about my situation.

   I do not know what it is in me, but the joke has rubbed off with how my guy friends treat me. They said that I am one of them because I can relate with their ways. But believe me, I have no background whatsoever with handling what they call “guy stuff”. I do not have a brother, I have very few guy cousins, and I even went to an exclusive school for girls. So, how in the world was I able to understand the psyche of men? Or maybe, I cannot really quite comprehend everything. Especially on why guys sometimes fail to give what is due to their good old friend, who happened to be a lady.

   I am not being bitter nor am I searching for something romantic. There is no need for you guys to be scared. Our status quo is actually good. Being “one of the boys” has its advantages like having companions on dateless nights and sharing a friendship that is comfortably nice. However, it needs a little improvement.

   Do not get me wrong guys. Honestly, I love your company. I never pretended that I enjoy listening to your out of tune serenades better than shopping. And that I would rather get drunk and vomit all the ginpo that I gulped than think about my red tomato face. But sometimes, I am also a stubborn girl. Remember that I also shriek with a three-foot distant spider. I also hate seeing dirty toes and hearing people burp without saying, “excuse me”. It might not be that obvious, but I miss being treated like a girl, a lady, or a woman— and not whatever.

   I hate to admit but I actually yearn for chivalry. The little girl in me is craving for offered LRT seats, opened glass doors, and guiding arms on slippery walks. But the thing that I miss the most is the best thing about being a woman. It is when you guys treat us as if we are the most precious things in the world. I think that it is time that you get the real picture yourselves: BABAE AKO. And this is not a joke.

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 30th, 2005 at 9:52 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.